Happiness Evangelist

The Place to Be Happy is Here…


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Let Them Be

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When we disagree with someone’s point of view, the appropriate response is not to argue with them or judge them.

Not only do they have a right to their opinion, they can’t actually help the way they see life.

Just like us, their unique conditioning causes them to see things exactly as they do.

Considering that we will always meet, interact and work with people from different backgrounds holding divergent perspectives, the best approach is to meet them all with loving kindness.

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Agree? Disagree? What?

The word ‘Conflict’ makes most of us uncomfortable.

We would rather avoid them than deal with them.

At the personal level we see them lead to fear, lost friendships, painful gossip, sleepless nights, broken hopes, drained energy.

At the world level we see them causing misery and wars for untold millions and generations.

These give us ample justification to regard all conflict as dangerous.

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This Chinese character means crisis, and it consists of two parts: one signifying danger and the other signifying possibility/opportunity.

Conflicts are life’s challenges to us. Living through them can make us wiser or more limited, richer or poorer, happy or unhappy.

Disagreements, disputes and dis-satisfactions can lead to tensions within and between people or they can lead to abundant possibilities and a deeper sense of community, development and more honesty.

 

 

How then do we address, heal and transcend human conflicts?

How do we acknowledge the power of the possible?

How do we choose receptivity over resistance?

How do we stop viewing the world through our lenses of divisiveness and discord?

How do we convert a challenging situation into a co-created empowering experience?

How do we promote calmness and compassion in our difficult conversations?

SKILL 1 – BEING OPEN TO OTHERS’ PERSPECTIVES

  • There are always more ways to see the same situation.
  • Every person’s perspective is important to consider.

A story is told of a cow auction. There are two businessmen – one representing a steakhouse and the other a leather boot store. Both attend the auction to buy a particular prize cow for their business. They bid against each other ferociously, driving the price upward, beyond what they can afford. Eventually they both run out of money to be able to continue bidding.

They both have different needs, different perspectives. If they knew each other’s need, instead of working against each other competitively, they could actually work together and meet one another’s needs!

When we are open to others’ needs, we may be surprised as to how we may be able to help one another. When we are willing to learn from the other, it is highly likely that they will be willing to listen and learn from us and our perspective.

SKILL  2 – DEFINING CONFLICT AS A PERSONAL NEED AND NOT A SOLUTION

  • Conflict is often thought of in terms of solutions. This is stated as “you should do this” or “you should do that.”
  • Solutions direct others on what we want them to be doing and can actually make things worse.
  • However, when we express our needs, we  tells others what we are concerned about or what we want to accomplish for ourselves.
  • When everyone involved in the conflict can express their personal needs, amazing new possibilities emerge that are much more satisfying to everyone.

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Situation 1

NO: Solution Statement: “I MUST have peace and quiet! You have to speak softly!”

YES: Need statement: “I need a quiet place to work because I have lots of work to do.”

 

Situation 2

NO: Solution Statement: “You people must do your work!”

YES: Need Statement: “I am concerned that we may not make our goal.”

When we define a conflict by expressing what we need and focus on how these needs can be met, we generate helpful ideas without bringing out the defenses in the other person.  

 

ImageLet us therefore, work…

…together, as a community

…through our conflicts

…towards our mission of Happiest People . Happiest Customers.